return my video game
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
