It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
