Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
