What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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