you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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