you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
