She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
