remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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