There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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