My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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