accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let's get the cat blown out
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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