My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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