why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
