I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
