Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
