She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i came on her dog
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
