rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
