one might say we're banned from that church
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
