This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
