my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
