real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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