I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize