Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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