when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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