I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
