All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
