ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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