paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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