That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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