I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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