i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize