I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
