Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
