Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
