Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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