he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
