that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
