I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
