I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
