marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
