Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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