Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
