Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
