Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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