Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
