is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
