is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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