How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
