Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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