she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my shit smells like andre
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
