dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
