My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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