Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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