I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
