Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
