I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
