hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize