So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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