I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
