i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize