Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
