Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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