I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
