new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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