I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
