I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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