you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
