it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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