Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
