i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize