Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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