Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
