mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
