Porn is love you can see.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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