Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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