i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
