WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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