I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize