know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
